Do me a favor and please appreciate this for the satire that it is. Better yet, satire laced with sarcasm. Yeah… satcasm.
Conquering territory. Take it from a Native American, Americans love to conquer territory.
Fatties. It’s no secret that America has a high percentage of fatties. Instead of encouraging physical fitness by participation in a sport where not being fat gives you an athletic advantage, we in America have created a sport where the fatty is celebrated as the protector or destroyer of quarterbacks.
Closeted homosexuality. Nobody asks what’s going on with between the quarterback, two layers of thin fabric, and the bent over center. Nobody tells either.
Greed. American football is the proud owner of one of the most highly compensated forms of scoring at six points a pop. But, in America, that’s not enough. The scoring team can also give themselves a bonus of either one point or two points following the six point score. Yes, American football is so greedy that even its bonus points match the standard scores of most world sports in worth. Americans love giving bonuses to people who already have more than others.
Bailouts. Yes, it’s still not enough that the greedy, fat American football players get six points for a standard score. But, should a team not reach their targeted destination, they have the chance of getting half the points for not getting the job done. Americans love bailing out greedy bastards.